an update to jello-o-o

So, after my second workout I was feeling a bit wobbly. I couldn't pick anything up, and I couldn't rest on my arms. We killed my arms that morning.

The next morning I woke up and could not extend either one of those stupid arms!! I had taken tylenol the night before, I tried stretching throughout the day after my workout. Nothing helped. It felt like someone would up the string that controlled my lower arms and tied a knot in it. The soreness continued through Monday night.

I couldn't help but be mad, and then outright disgusted with myself. I was mad at trainer Jeff. How dare he physically injure me! I paid for this stupid session and didn't even get a lousy tee shirt. I was mad at myself. How did I get to this point? Why couldn't I feel myself getting weaker and weaker??

The bright spot came yesterday morning at the gym. We were doing a lot of the same exercises, but I could do more reps than I could before. I admit, I was getting ready to be mad again until he pointed out that last fact. I still couldn't do all of the reps completely, but I got through a lot more.

Ahhh...progress. It. Hurts.

Jell-O

I went to my second training session today and my body feels like jello. I am optimistic that this will improve over time but for now its very frustrating. I am doing the basic core workout. Trainer Jeff wants to condition my joints and ligaments before we really do anything specific. Sounds like a good plan to me. I don't want to have an injury from doing too much too soon. I gotta give the ol body some time to freak out and adjust to the new exercise regimen.

Next week, I will be going to the gym for 3 sessions a week through the end of July.

Lord give me strength.

It's FRIDAY!

I lived. The hardest part was taking the measurements. We have a set schedule and I am ready for a beating. By August, I will be in tip top shape. :)

It's almost a new week.

Tomorrow Madi and I are volunteering to help at the concession stand during the Rangers game. They are predicting a sold out game and we need to be there 3 hours prior to game in order to set everything up. Can you believe that?? It's a huge fundraiser for the band, and we have to fill all spots for the home games or we have to pay them back a portion of the earnings.

Monday is a make up game for Haley's tee ball team. It's her last tee ball game. In the fall, most of the girls on her team will move up to the machine pitch league. She is so happy to move up, I think she was getting a bit bored with tee ball. I can't believe she has been playing for three seasons already. Time really flies.

Thursday is the first meeting with trainer Jeff. I have to fill out a profile booklet and bring it in with me, then we will take measurements, and then there's a short fitness assesment that I will have to do to make sure I won't fall over dead in the gym. I didn't have a problem filling out the booklet. Basically it asks you about family history, your concerns, goals, etc. Pretty harmless. I am absolutely in denial about my measurements...and the weight gain. I don't want to know the exact numbers. Before I was pregnant with Madison I was 34-29-36. I know I'm not there anymore, do we need to be any more specific than that?? I dont' think so. :)

On Friday, Madison has her first band banquet to attend. She is very excited to go. I am sure there will be a million pictures taken. In a week's time she will be a SOPHOMORE in high school. I am also in denial about this.

Have a great week. I will let you know if I am still alive on Friday.

Yikes!!

I got a call from the fitness coordinator at the YMCA. The lady that I requested is no longer with my YMCA. So...she asks "would you mind working out with Jeff? He has just finished classes for the summer and he would be able to accomodate the early morning time frame."

Let me make sure I heard you correctly. Do I, the aging and overweight mother of four, want to work out with Jeff? The male fitness trainer that just finished his spring semester?? Of course not. Why would I have a problem with that??

Maybe I should try binging and purging...it would be a lot less embarassing.

GULP!

Well, I did it.

This morning I went to the YMCA and handed them a check for 8 personal training sessions. I did this before when Rebecca was a toddler and it helped me to get back into a regular exercise routine. I lost 21" from head to toe, and several dress sizes too. '

It's exactly what I need right now, and I am scared to death. I am so much bigger than I was back then and I am afraid that I am too far gone to get the same results. I was teary on the way home.

Please say a prayer for me. I need the accountability of someone waiting for me at the gym. I need someone to tell me to stop being a quitter. I need encouragement from someone who's been through the same struggles with food and weight.

xoxo

I am in love

Here is a picture of our new additions!

The Game Plan

I have thought a lot about my life and I am trying to figure out what works. What have I done in the past that has had a positive outcome. I have lost a lot of weight time and time again, but it always came back. I need to stop the loss/gain cycle.

I am going to start meeting with a trainer two times a week. I need two things, accountability and results. I want to get back into the habit of going to the gym and working out. I am also going to cut a lot of sugar and carbs out of my diet and I am going to have smaller portions. This is going to be a harder task than going to the gym. I live in Texas, I love chips and salsa. To be honest, I love chips. With anything. I think this is going to be a good start.

Plus, I need a tan. Tanned skin does wonders for my attitude.

I have a lot of issues...

grasping at straws

So, I almost made an appointment to see a doctor about HCG injections for weight loss. There's a lady at work who is doing it and she is losing a pound a day and it seemed to be the perfect solution. I talked to Ben about it, which had me in tears, and after he did some research he asked me not to since it's not FDA approved. I am to the point of panic about my weight. My dad's side of the family has a history of diabetes and kidney failure and I am scared to death that it's going to happen to me. I want a quick fix, I need instant results but I don't think it's going to happen. I feel a little bit better about things this morning. I made a big salad for myself for dinner and once the kids were in bed I put myself to bed. I am going back on South Beach and I will just have to be patient. I am going to start working out with a trainer a couple of times a week and I will just have to be patient. I have to keep telling myself that it's going to take some time to change bad habits into new ones and in the mean time this fat body is going to have to get to work.

I don't know how many people, if any, still read this blog but I am determined to keep this journal up to date. I want to be able to look back at this post and see the desperation that I was feeling. To remember what it was like so that I don't have to do it all over again. I can't keep gaining and losing weight.

To the people that do still read the blog, I apologize for the sudden "reality blogging" but I need a place to say what I want to say. You can't always go around spewing verbal garbage at everyone because you're in a bad mood. SOOOO, that's what I am using this for. I need to complain here, whine here, cry here, and then I will be okay and then things will start to get better.

It's one day at a time.

more trouble

So, my car is in the shop again. We went to visit the in laws this weekend, in two cars, and when I got there the car just started draining radiator onto the driveway. I was mortified. How were we all going to get home?? How much is the repair going to cost this time?? After Ben and Ron worked on the car for the rest of the afternoon to try and pin down the problem, they decided to put everything back together and drive it down the road to a repair shop. the shop was closed but they called the owner and he said he would take a look at it today. I am praying that he gets to fix it by end of business today because this carpooling thing stinks. I hate having to ask people to rearrange their schedules to come get me in the morning and to drop me off in the evenings. I have a work trip scheduled for Wednesday and I definitely don't want to drag things out until then.

FB is getting on my nerves too. People just don't need to air their dirty laundry on there. To me it's a place to just put a blurb out there to your friends. Keep them in the loop about what you're up to. Let's get real. Most of the people on there are just distant relations or acquaintances anyway. They don't care to delve into your personal business.

I am really at a loss about my weight. I think I am to the point where I need medical assistance. I have adjusted my diet and have started walking but I am not seeing any results. I need to see something to keep me motivated. I am becoming desperate and I am looking for other options. I hate to admit that I have gotten to this point in my life, it's embarrassing to me to be around my friends and coworkers.

I am not normally a negative person but the weight literally weighs me down.

YES!

two miles at lunch! Yay me!

What has happened??

I don't know when the last time was that the family has been this sick!

A couple of weeks ago we were all sick with one powerful stomach bug. We were out of commission for a good 5 days.

Ben has had a cough and sinus problems for a while now. It all started just before the bug came for a visit. He was sick with the bug, then got better. Then, he had to travel for work. I made a doctor's appointment for him on Thursday and it wasn't good. He had to have a chest xray because the doctor was so concerned. It turns out that he has pertussis, borderline pneumonia, ear infections, and a sinus infection. For those of you that don't know, pertussis is also called whooping cough and is super contagious. He was exposed to this somehow and because his DTaP wasn't up to date, he got it. He got a booster shot at the doctor's office and a powerful antibiotic. Tomorrow will be the third day on meds and he seems to be doing worse! The doc will be called again first thing Monday to see what the next step is. Please keep Ben in your prayers. If you don't know, he's a smoker and I am afraid that it's catching up to him. I just want him to quit, but I know it's not an easy thing to do.

It's all about Easter

Here are a few pictures from our Easter egg hunt this morning.

car trouble

I hate having to deal with car problems! I was on my way to the high school this morning with all of the kids in the car. When I turned into her school driveway I noticed that dreadful pull on the steering wheel when the tire is flat. I was so mad. I had to drive maybe an 1/8 of a mile before I could turn onto a side street. I didn't want to hold up traffic going in and out of the school. So, I called Ben to come and change my tire and it took a little bit before we were on our way again. I got the tire fixed this afternoon during my lunch hour and found out that there's something wrong with the alignment that is causing the tire to go flat all of the time. aka...more money. I am going over to the shop in the morning to have a friend take a look at it and maybe bring the cost down a little bit.

SOOOO, other than that it was a good Monday.

Tomorrow, Madison will be 15 years old. Where did the time go?? She used to be my only little baby in the house. We went everywhere together, and had a great ol time.

Monday...

Can I just say that traffic during spring break is awesome! No school zones to drag through, no school traffic to go through, and I didn't have to drop anyone off at school.

I made myself some fresh coffee this morning. I like to take my own coffee to work because work coffee sucks. It's weird because everything else in the office is so nice. The coffee...not so much. So anyway, I made myself some coffee and then I left it at home. No bueno! I had to stop and get gas anyway so I decided to stop at quick trip. I always hear how good their coffee is and it's cheap too. I start the pump and go in to meet the throngs of people at the coffee bar. This is a good sign! If their coffee was crap there wouldn't be so many people there, right??

I must be the only one to have gotten the worst cup of coffee that morning. It was terrible. I just paid for a terrible cup of coffee. There wasn't any amount of sugar or cream that was going to doctor that cup to a tolerable level so I just tossed it when I got to work. Ugh. I hate stuff like that happening first thing in the morning. It just doesn't bode well.

Ben is all kinds of stressed out, and out of town. He is working until midnight, getting up at five almost every day. People didn't do their job right, he has to try to fix the goof up and apologize to the presenters. Because of the long work hours, he's not eating right and not sleeping enough which equals illness. Yep. He's getting sick. He won't be home until sometime Thursday and I am dreading the condition that he will be in. I just might take a Friday off to take care of him, and spend some spring break time with the kiddos.

Speaking of kiddos...I am trying not to schedule anything for them this week. They already have so much to keep track of during the regular school week. I just want them to veg out. Is that bad? I don't care if they are on the conputer, or watching tv all day. They don't get to do any of that on a regular basis. I am sure if you ask them, I am still the meanest mom in the world. They do have chores, you know. ;)

Tomorrow is another day!

running errands.

Today we went to church. On time! I remembered to spring forward all the way until it was time to go to sleep. I forgot to set my clock ahead! When I woke up, I had to jump out of bed to get everyone moving. Fast! I hate those kinds of wake ups. It gets the day started on the wrong foot, for sure.

Ben is still in Atlanta. sigh. He will be back on Thursday.

I took Lex to the hair salon to get a haircut. I wanted to get him a regular boy's cut and not just shave it. The stupid girl didn't know how to cut it without using an electric shaver. I asker her to trim it up on the sides with the shaver and she used it on his whole head. Hello??? I just told you that I could have done that at home. I was so mad.

After the hair salon I took the girls over to the store to look for some sandals for Easter. In the past I have waited until the last minute and was not able to find what I needed. Lesson learned. I am starting early. Haley has a dress and shoes. Madi and Becca have shoes and we're looking for clothes now. Lex is easy. I just need to take him to stride rite to find him some dressier shoes, or maybe a new pair of tennis shoes.

Same story as always for me. I need to lose weight. A lot of weight. So, I am going to head to the downtown YMCA during my lunch break. I am going to start off with walking until it gets to be a habit of going. Then, we will reevaluate. Work is about to get hectic and I see myself needing to get away and relieve some stress.

I love the warm sunny weather, it does good things for my mood.

Testing Testing 1 2 3

This was a test to see if I still remembered my login and password....I did!!

I have quite a bit to say, but I have to get it all organized in my head first.

I hope to blog on here more often. Even if no one reads it, I still like to get these thoughts out of my head.